I know its a bit futile to try understanding why life is the way it is. I mean, simply thinking about all the reasons why seemingly insignificant events can affect one's entire existance is pretty silly. You can't do anything about it, you can't press pause, rewind and change it. If you could, that would be pretty sweet, wouldn't it?

I don't know, I guess I'm just in that kind of mood. I don't really want to think, but I'm doing it anyway...

For the past couple of days, I've noticed that some things that I thought I had put behind me are managing to wiggle their way back in my life...its very strange...

Usually, I suppose, I wouldn't be...hmm...what's the word?...bothered, I guess...by this happening. But I am. I think its fear, to be quite honest. I know what scares me because what scares me tends to be what hurts me. The fact of the matter is...

I know I'm angry and I know I'm scared...

About what, specifically?

...eh...it gets a bit fuzzy...

I don't like feeling like this. I don't like feeling all alone or like the only reason I stick around my home city is to please everyone else around me...

...I have the insane urge to simply pack up my things and leave...I don't know where to, but I want to just leave...

So...I've been looking. I have friends almost everywhere and I'm pretty sure that if I needed to, I could stay with them. They're awesome like that . I could look for a temporary job to start off at until I find a nice office or such where I could earn an honest living...

The more I think about it, the more I really want to, y'know. I sometimes wonder if I were to leave, if I were to say, maybe head back to Orlando, go back to Disney and work in their corporate office rather than their park, would I like it there? Could I pull off living out there again with my friends? Or if I headed up north, where my best friend lives, would that be better than being here in Texas? She's already said that if I do decide to do that, she'll help me find a job at KI and while the idea of living and working with my best friend seems down right kickass ('cause we totally are best friends and really, she kept my sanity when we were living in Vista Way )...I...

...I have this horrible feeling that if she were to help me...I would just cause problems for her...Mind you, this is all based on events that have already occurred...some of which did not end well...

Its like what Charlie Brown says, "I think I'm afraid to be happy, because whenever I get too happy, something bad happens."

And its true. I can recall several happy memories, so many good times...and after a while, those memories sadden me because I can remember the reasons why they ended...the events that destroyed them and left me broken again...

I mean, don't get me wrong. I've learned to pick up my own pieces, start gluing myself together again...sometimes it takes a couple tries and a little help to get everything back in place, but I've managed thus far...

So I don't understand why I'm feeling like this. Maybe its just the fact that I'm sick again and work has been horribly slow these paast couple of weeks. I've basically been sitting in the office web surfing everyday...it's not a bad thing, but it does lead to me thinking...whether its philosophical or not, I don't know and I don't really care at the moment...

...ugh...fuck it. I'm gonna go to the movies tonight, laugh my pretty little head off and swoon at Patrick Dempsey while my muses either go hide cause chick flicks scare them or sit there and swoon with me cause Patrick Dempsey is cute

.........

....man, I'm random....

Commision info
Please provide detailed description of what you want, reference pics of characters(up to four only) and what type of commission you would like in a note here on DA or email me using the email provided on my gallery or the AIM screenname.

Sketches-$5
Digitally Colored$10
Digitally Colored with background-$15
*note*-each additional character is $2. Please, only up to four per piece, but I am willing to compromise if need be.

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